Star Wars Saga

I first saw Star Wars when I was just a little kid. About 10 or so, maybe even younger. I remember being confused at first. “Why does it say Episode IV?” I remember asking. No response was given. It didn’t really matter, I was hooked from the first note of John Williams’ perfect score. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Giant space ships, laser guns, a grand adventure, robots, muthafreakin’ lightsabers! It had everything a young sci-fi kid could want.

Star Wars has been in my life for as long as I can remember. Growing up I don’t remember it being “cool” to like Star Wars. It’s what the nerdy kids did. Today you can’t go anywhere without seeing something Star Wars. I guess all those kids that made fun of me for liking Star Wars were secretly fans themselves. Posers.

The Force Awakens, JJ Abrams take on Star Wars, opened this week. Since I’m going to see it, finally, in a couple hours I thought I’d put together a quick ranking from my perspective. Here is my order, from worst to first, of the Star Wars saga… so far.

7) Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Episode I

By far the worst of, not only the prequels, but the entire saga. So much wrong I don’t even know where to begin. The midichlorians. The whiny “savior”. Liam Neeson phoning it in. Jar Jar fucking Binks. I could go on. I was so excited in ’99 when this was about to hit. I remember waiting in that long ass line at the theater with all the other nerds. It missed the mark by a mile though. Don’t get me wrong, there was many things I highly enjoyed. Darth Maul was by far the best thing in the movie. What a great looking and menacing villain. His double bladed lightsaber is still one of the coolest things I have ever seen. It was terribly shortsighted to kill him off in the first movie though. The pod race scene was visually amazing. The kid was just awful unfortunately. He is, in my opinion, what brought the movie down the most. I really don’t blame him much. He was so very young. If I ever got a chance to meed Jake Lloyd I’d probably ask him about Jingle All The Way instead though.

6) The Clone Wars

The Clone Wars

I’m including this one because it is technically a Star Wars movie and I’ve watched it. I believe it’s still canon too, but I could be wrong. If I ever watch the Ewok films, or the new Rebels film, I’ll add them to my list as well.

I enjoyed this film because it was just a fun little adventure. The cartoon aspect made it even more for kids, but I’m okay with that. I really liked the character of Ahsoka Tano and her dual wielding lightsabers. I was a little taken aback by how Anakin had a padawan learner that no one knew about. I wish this character was introduced in The Revenge of the Sith film, but there was so much going on I can understand why she wasn’t. This wasn’t a “great” film, but it did set up a pretty good series that ran for 5 seasons.

5) Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Episode II

This movie was slightly better than Episode I. My main gripe with this one was how much was going on. It seemed like Lucas wanted to fill every single pixel on the screen with something. It was a little weird to see Anakin grow up so much, but Padme didn’t seem to age at all. It was also weird to see Hayden Christensen act so wooden. Mannakin Skywalker was an apt description in my opinion. Seeing the beginning of the Stormtroopers was kinda neat. I thought Jango Fett looked awesome and setting up Boba was a neat little touch. Darth Tyranus seemed a little old to be a Sith apprentice. Really though, it was Christopher Lee, so who fucking cares. Yoda kicking ass was also a plus for me.

4) Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Episode III

Clearly the best of the prequel movies. The darker tone as compared to the previous films really helps Anakin’s transition to the Dark Side. I enjoyed General Grievous. I just wish Darth Maul made it to this film. It really would have been something to see Maul and Vader face off. The relationship between Anakin and Padme seemed to be really rushed. Going from marriage to killing her within a single movie seemed like a strange move. The should have started a lot of that storyline in Episode II. Watching him grow angrier and angrier until he just gave up was interesting. I mean, killing a bunch of kids… doesn’t really get any darker than that, except for maybe killing the mother of your children. The climatic fight between Obi Wan and Anakin was the highlight. Seeing Anakin physically transform into Vader was the cherry on top. If only the previous films were as good as this people wouldn’t hate them so much.

3) Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Episode VI

Now we get into the original. Top 3 as they sit now. Episode VI had a lot going for it. Luke was a badass in it. Slave Leia is an iconic image that will never go away no matter how much Disney tries. The opening sequence with Jabba on Tattoonie I though was great. Poor Boba Fett. The battle of Endor was awesome. Those speederbikes were so cool and I still want one. Even the Ewoks were great. It seemed a little anti-climatic with the party in the end. Watching Luke fight Vader and then the Emperor and finally redeeming Vader was so satisfying.

2) Episode IV: A New Hope

Episode IV

The one that started it all. Like most fans, this was the first one I watched. Luke was extremely whiny in this one. Leia was so badass though that it made up for it. Han and Chewy were so cool that everyone wanted to be them. Other than listening to Luke bitch about everything, there really isn’t anything bad to say about this movie. It introduced us to everyone we know and love today. From one of the greatest villains on screen in Darth Vader. To the greatest weapon ever in the Lightsaber.

1) Episode II: Empire Strikes Back

Episode V

This is my favorite of all the Star Wars saga. Dante in Clerks said it best: “Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader’s his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that’s what life is, a series of down endings.” So very true. This movie was such a shock to me when Vader is revealed as Luke’s father. To this day it’s still such a shocking scene. Knowing that even the cast didn’t know that was going to be the twist makes it even cooler to me. Lando and Boba Fett were both amazing characters that really needed more screen time. Especially Boba Fett. Freezing Han was so heartbreaking. This movie even had the best dialog of the series. Leia: “I love you”. Han: “I know” How fucking pimp is that?

So that’s my list so far. I’ll hopefully be adding The Force Awakens to the top 3 today. I seriously doubt it will surpass Empire in my mind though, but I hope to be wrong.

Categories: Entertainment, Featured, Movies

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